Last summer, I wrote a novella for XCite (a UK erotica publisher) called Safe Haven. It’s a sweet novella, a romance full of sweet and funny sex between two people who are looking for love and laughter and life. Recently, the publisher released it as an ebook, and it’s been doing really well and getting good reviews. Which is always a moment of pride and joy for writers. I know I say this all the time, but without our readers, writers are nothing. Without readers, we are the trees falling in the forest that no one hears (I wrote ‘hearts’ instead of hears accidentally, and I believe that’s also true).
Yesterday morning, a friend and fellow writer sent me a link to the Amazon UK site, in which she excitedly told me that Safe Haven was number 5 on the Erotic Bestseller List. When I looked at the link, I realized that not only was the book in the top 5, it was creeping up on the hugely best-selling novels 50 Shades of Grey.
Traditionally, I’m the kind of writer who spends far more time writing than selling. This is a marketing flaw, I know, but I find far more joy in putting stories together than I do in keeping track of sales and doing marketing. But for some reason, seeing my book at the top of the Amazon list made my competitive spirt kick in. I hit my social media sites with a dorky, overly excitable bout of yelling and a bit of “Man, wouldn’t it be awesome to see Safe Haven rise up and beat out 50 Shades of Grey?”
Now, my social media people are incredible people. I’m very lucky that way. Every single one of my Facebook friends is either someone I know in real-life, someone I know via work circles, or someone that has been recommended to me by someone I know and trust. It’s a select group, and if you’re in it, there’s a good reason. Twitter and G+ are, of course, more open and harder to pin down, but I’ve still been very lucky. People are mostly positive, they help create a space for interesting, thoughtful discussions without being assholes, and they are hugely supportive of me, something for which I am eternally grateful.
That’s why it was such a shock to have someone in my circle of Facebook friends post this response regarding Safe Haven:
I think it is pretty vain considering all the starving, homeless, abused people in this world. I would be excited if you wrote a novel that inspired people to unite for a greater cause – but not one that simply satisfies a primal urge in every species.
There are so many things that I want to say that I’m not even sure where to begin (even after thinking about it all day). While I wish I could say that this blog post is going to be a compassionate, comprehensive and cohesive response, I’m afraid that might not be possible. There are so many angles to look at, so many views to take and topics to cover that I can only start with a very wide lens and see what happens.
What I don’t want to do is call this particular person out or to reiterate the “Troll Heard ‘Round the World” sentiment. This person wasn’t a troll — it was someone that I know — and I’m much more interested in discussing the world views that might bring a person to have such a visceral, negative and dismissive reaction to someone else’s work.
Things I’m thinking about, in no particular order:
1. The implication that there is only one valuable way to change the world.
I believe that doing what you do best means that you have abilities and skillset to create change. I knew from the time I was old enough to write that I was born to be a writer. From a very young age, I wrote about the things that fascinated me most. Love, family, sex, death, the emotional truth of what it meant to be human, to connect with ourselves and others, to live. Writing is my first love. It is what I’m good at. I am not good at protests, writing legislation, taking the law into my own hands, or signing petitions. Sure, I could learn to do those things, maybe. But my heart wouldn’t be into it. Someone else can do it ten times better and faster than I can, and with more passion — and why not let them?
What I can do is write. I can put words on the page and make them sing. I can tell stories. I can inspire people to take action or to rethink their opinions. I can ask them to look at things differently, to take a wider view, to question before the believe. I can also make them laugh, make them love and make them grieve. It is power in my hands, and despite what many would say, I try to wield it wisely.
I can (and have) written about a wide variety of topics, but sex and death are my natural places from which to begin. They just feel right to me. There is no logic that I have for why this is, or why other topics aren’t my starting point. Some people’s writing themes are flowers or food. Others naturally gravitate toward topics of war or politics or the economy. One is not better than the other. They are only different lenses through which artists see the world.
2. The implication that writing about sex is not a valid way to urge people for a great cause.
First, “a greater cause” must be defined. Stopping wars? Saving the environment? Saving lives? Reducing disease? Redefining gender roles? Bringing pleasure to more people? Helping people recover from rape and sexual abuse? Helping people explore their gender and sexual orientation? Where do we draw the line in deciding what is a greater cause?
And in essence, does it matter? Erotica can teach self-acceptance, which can prevent suicides and depression. It can urge people to use condoms and proper lubrication, which can prevent STDs. It can remind people of our humanity, of our hearts, of our passions and fears. It can do everything that “great literature” can do — and will anyone argue that there is no value in that?
3. The implication that sex has no value because it is a primal urge in every species.
Eating is a primal urge in every species. How many books are there about eating, cooking, growing food? Why is one valued and the other is not?
4. The implication that it’s okay to pass judgement publicly on someone else’s work, just because it does not meet your criteria.
Okay, I’m not saying that right (I’m still wrapping my head around all of this stuff, truly), but we’ve become a culture where it is considered absolutely acceptable to knock someone’s hard work and creative impulse just because it doesn’t fit into your expectations or value system. The internet is a breeding ground for this, as we all know, but does that mean it’s acceptable? Doesn’t publicly berating someone for their work go against the notion of “urging people to unite for a greater cause”? Or is the hope that if you ridicule someone, they will come to see your side and instead create the thing you had hoped they would?
5. Vain. That’s such an odd word.
Writing is my job. It’s my livelihood. Yes, I’m vain about it. I work very hard at it. I bust my ass, in fact. I’m not the best. I will never be the best. BUT I am the best I can be, and that’s something I’m very proud of.
Which makes me ask:
- Would it be considered “vain” if I was male? Because I am female, am I supposed to take on the role of caregiving the world and fuck my own creative impulses and desires?
- Are there any jobs (outside of the creative fields) in which someone would be tagged as vain if they were proud of their work? Who would call a truck driver to task for being vain and not helping the rest of the world in his 9-5? What about an IT guy? The guy at the grocery store? The postal worker? A gardener?
6. This is an age-old argument
From the moment I started getting published in the erotica field, I heard a lot of, “Wow, you’re such a great writer. When are you going to stop writing about sex and write something real?” or “Your writing is so good I bet you could write a real book.”
Sex rings that alarm bell in people, doesn’t it? For something that’s so undervalued, it sure does create a huge reaction.
After all of that, here’s what I really think:
- I write about sex because I believe it’s important.
- I write about sex because it’s fun.
- I write about sex because I believe it tells an emotional human truth.
- I write about sex because I think we can learn a lot from it — mostly about ourselves.
- I write about sex because I believe that the more love and pleasure we all have, the nicer we are to each other.
- I write about sex because I believe it can change the world.
- Sex writing doesn’t have to want to change the world in order to be valued or valuable.
- No one else gets to tell any of us what our work is worth.
- The ACT OF DOING THE WORK is, in itself, a way to create positive ripples of change in the world.
- There is no better way to urge people toward greater good than to be, as best as you can, the greater good.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. I’m sure I’ll have more to process and share as I continue to think about the experience.
Kiss kiss bang bang, s.
If you wrote a thriller about a serial killer would the same person consider that you had a voice about society? So it would be okay to promote death, but not sex? How is it that fucking is taboo, but killing is okay? It never ceases to amaze me.
I used be embarassed that I wrote erotica. Not anymore. My kids know. My husband is proud. If someone ask, I tell them. If they as why, I answer. If they don’t like it. Oh well. Don’t read it.
I know that person pissed you off. I get alot of stuff on Facebook that irritates the shit out of me. I usually either block or hide the person’s stream if I don’t want to outright unfriend them. There are people who for whatever reason are not going to be okay with what I do. It is their right. It is my right to ignore them.
My husband and I discussed this at length before I decided that I wanted to really focus on writing erotica. In the end, he said write what makes you happy, what inspires you. Everyone else will either like it or not. Don’t worry about it.
K. A. Burton
The word ‘fucking’ always catches my attention.
So much of the misery of this world is wrapped up on the isolation of ‘fucking’ from the normal life we live. Those who write erotica help breakdown the wall the Judeo/Christian/Muslim creeps has built around this most basic human need.
What type of ape are we?
Are like chimpanzees or are like bonobos? I certainly would love to be in a materarchicsl society where sex was the mechanism of social control. Rather then one of violence and scarcity. One where a man has to be ‘lucky’ to get laid.
Shanna and the other writers who use their talents are showimg an alternative to the traditional limiting of fucking to procreation and the resulting misogynist porn that results are moving the world to a more open and less violent place.
Not responsible for auto correct.
As my husband says, people use the internet for shitty purposes. They feel that it is okay to say whatever crappy thing that pops into their head, without stopping to think about who it would affect or what the outcome would be. The internet makes people bullies, YES, bullies. I personally think you are a great writer. I think good writers help make happy readers and happy readers go out into the world to spread their own brand of happiness. The happiness that reading your work started. I love to read, it is my all time favorite thing to do. If you see me and I don’t have a book or my Kindle, something is definitely off. I think the worst days that I have had or will have are days where I can’t or don’t take the time to sit down to relax with a book. Don’t let people bring you down, many writers are hit with the same criticisms. It’s not right and it’s not true. Any writing is real writing, published or unpublished. As long as you do what makes you happy, screw the mean people. I have had many an argument with mean people and it took my husband saying to me, that the internet allows people to be bullies. He had to tell me this several times because every time someone would say something shitty to me I would get so upset. Mean people bring you down and I refuse to let it bring me down anymore than it already has.
YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER! Great writers inspire people to think, fell and sometimes even to act.
Maybe that person was just jealous that you are successful. The green eyed monster brings out the worst in us all.
That should read,
YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER! Great writers inspire people to think, FEEL and sometimes even to act.
I get in such a hurry typing something that sometimes I spell things wrong, too bad you can’t always go back and fix your mistakes when you see them.
So well articulated, and so true. So much, I believe, is in the approach–we can write about any subject in a way that cheapens it, or in a way that provides us a window into our richness, potential, and depth as human beings. Are you being judged on the basis of everyone who has written about sex badly? Maybe. But that’s all the more reason, as far as I’m concerned, to stake your claim.
Misplaced anger/guilt. So sad but no reflection on you. Keep up the good work!
My bullet list and yours are nearly identical. I admire the shiznitz out of how graciously and carefully you’ve handled this punch to the gut.
Maybe people should read Safe Haven, which is absolutely excellent, before they comment. So glad it is doing well.
I don’t know about changing the world. Maybe it would be better to learn to try to accept it. S, I can see you’ve thought long about this, because it was (understandably) upsetting. From an outsider’s point of view, the original comment was spiteful and deliberately mean – before we even get to the flawed logic. I mean – absence of logic. I can’t even be arsed (sorry) debating it, because it’s such a facile and nonsensical thing to say.
Inevitably, you’ve run into jealousy. I don’t think you need to justify yourself. You may need to learn to protect yourself. I think that’s the hard part – because as writers armour can interfere with our necessary squidginess. We need to be vulnerable in order to continue to make work that is a dialogue with the world. That said, I don’t think this one comment is worth wasting your time on. There are better things to do, and you are doing them. xxx
Vain… ach. Some people were taught that it’s wrong to be proud of your achievements and yourself, sadly. Which is what causes a lot of pain in the world. I had a conversation once about the necessity of loving yourself with my Catholic, 74 year old mother in law. ‘Well, I don’t LOVE myself!’ she protested. It’s the saddest thing – but how do you argue with that sort of long held destructive dogma? I think that comment came from a sort of similar (just wrote sinister) place – and you know all your points are right.
As you know, Shanna, my genre is not erotica, but mostly horror and a bit of urban fantasy, and I would never claim to know anything about what good erotica is or whether it is relevant to what goes on in our ever changing world. Be that as it may, I would be remiss in saying that it doesn’t mean that I have not written erotica into my stories in the past. In particular, and just for fun, I run an online forum rpg, based off of my horror novel (in the works, always in the works). The game is called “Dark Cove” and the writers that post there and share my vision with me are fantastic, creative and clever, forcing me to challenge myself in my writing. It’s a great way to grow as a writer, in my opinion.
But I digress. The point I am attempting to make here is that for this writing, I can recall at least two different situations that involved writing erotica as a tool to progress the tale. While I don’t claim to be expert in any way, I am told that I am fairly good in that genre (so much so that my friend who was sharing the post with me got so caught up in the tale while she was shopping (reading from her phone) that she lost control of her shopping cart, getting a little “hot and bothered” by what I was writing.
Despite this, and the many compliments I got, I know that erotica isn’t my style. I write what I like to write. If I want to mix it up a little, fine, but it is, and always will be, horror and urban fantasy as my genres of choice. They do not promote world change in any way. I write them simply for the enjoyment of doing so. I leave world change to those best equipped to handle it. So the idea that some nudnick would think that my writing should be put to better use in other areas would not only be absurd, but completely foreign to me.
By the way, I’m proud of what I write. Is that vanity? You better believe it is! I wouldn’t have it any other way, and the naysayers can suck it!
Hope this helps to make those wounds heal a little faster, Shanna. You are a wonderful writer. Don’t let the small minded take you down with them. Rise above it all and keep doing what you do best.
Shanna,
I saw your post on facebook, and followed the link here. One is always tempted to take such comments at face value, to focus on the actual terms used, but I think that may be a mistake. The root motivation may not even be evident in the words used. I say this because such exchanges occur in every mode of writing. I hear it all the time among poets. It’s genre independent.
Sometimes I think the root cause has to do with the difficulty of writing well. Many, many people work very hard at it, but not many get much recognition. If one’s laboring away, sweating blood and tears, and not getting very far, it’s natural to look around and say, ‘Why her, and not me? I work just as hard, harder even. And yet it seems to come easily to her. She just got lucky for X or Y reason. I’ll bring her down a peg, and raise myself up by making myself feel superior.’
Nevermind how hard you work, how difficult it is, how blessed you feel when a stanza or a paragraph goes well. Nevermind that each step up the staircase feels like a small miracle. Nevermind that each success *is* a kind of luck, but luck you’ve put yourself in a position to accept. You’re not where you are by accident. Eliot talks about this, that most people think writing is an occupation, but it’s far more than that: ‘No occupation either, but a lifetime given and taken in love, Ardour and selflessness and self-surrender.’ Something close to those words. And he was right about that.
So please don’t allow yourself to be discouraged. Celebrate every success, no matter how small. Take joy in the joy you give to others, no matter what anyone else says. And remember that other thing he said: “you are the music, while the music lasts.” So you may as well dance, with all the delight, elation, and yes, even the ecstasy you feel within you. It’s far better to be the dancer than to be the one sitting in the shadows, criticizing…
Best,
Bill
Shanna, you have handled this with far more grace and aplomb than I would have. I agree with everyone here. You are more than right to be proud of yourself – in fact, I’d be dancing around everywhere if anything I wrote were up nudging at the books that shan’t be named. Because what you write is fantastic. It’s brilliant, powerful, and I have never read a story of yours that didn’t hit deeper than that supposed “primal urge”.
Please keep celebrating. I forget to log into FB, but I would have liked and commented ALL over that post if I had seen it. In a positive and supportive light, of course.
Write on.
~Ais
I’m sorry to hear somebody tried to take the wind out of your sails. You should be proud of your achievements, of publishing your work! Not everybody has that opportunity.
As for the comment about the poor, Matthew 26 says “you always have the poor with you,” and it’s important to remember that people are poor in many ways – not just money and food, but some are starved for love and affection. If somebody reads a romantic story and finds the courage and inspiration to get what he/she needs, that person won’t be poor much longer.
Shanna, you inspire me every single day. You inspired me in the online class you taught. And keeping in touch with you means I am constantly being amazed by how brilliant you are. Your influence has made me a better writer and a happier person. I love reading your work, and I love learning from you.
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Glad your fb friend sparked this conversation. I suspect there are many individuals who feel the same way but don’t voice their opinions. Now you have had the opportunity to respond with a most thoughtful reply, answering those people who have been thinking all along, “Why do people waste their time writing erotica, when there are more important things in life?”
I shall post excerpts from your post to the Erotic Literary Salon blog and send people here to read the entire piece along with comments. I’m certain my readers will enjoy and perhaps be enlightened by your response. Thank you.
Well said. I too have had the ‘I bet you could write a real book’ thing. From my vicar, amongst others. It’s really rather frustrating isn’t it? I am writing real stories, real books. I’m writing something people enjoy, something their enriches their lives. I say that because I have been told so. That probably makes me vain in some eyes.
Hard cheese.
Keep writing, keep enjoying and keep doing what you love to do and what your readers obviously love you doing. You should be proud of your achievement. Congratulations.
Really interesting piece…
Sex is the most real, amazing thing in the world. I find it hard and sad when people attack and dismiss others who enjoy sex and areas of the ‘adult industry’ in any form.
I actually think people who dismiss sex; jobs and even discussions surrounding sex are more guilty of undervaluing sex than the people who make money out of it; or the ones at the other end of the spectrum who make or watch adult movies. As the dismissing of it has far more reaching reprocusions in closing discussions on sex.
When is comes to the written word on sex in what ever form including erotica brings a real emotion and real situations to love and sex as it can add deeper levels of realism. Erotica can show beyond the screen the real things that can happen during sex; the funny things; the shocking things; the explorations and the human things that happen in people’s everyday lives.
Hello Lovely Woman, my Dear Friend, Cyber Wife, Editor, Peer, Inspiration & Sexual Fantasy. When I was in graduate school an esteemed poet, Dorianne Laux, taught a graduate craft seminar called “Sex & Death” during which she suggested they were the only two topics worth writing about. (I’m paraphrasing.) Maybe she said two of the most powerful subjects to write about. I love Dorianne Laux. I love you.
A
I have to be honest with you- I have never read you work. I may or may not read it in the future. I don’t know. I’m only 17 years old. Legally, right now, I am not allowed to buy erotica.
But I do know from what I have a chance to get my hands on in one way or another that writing about sex is not pointless. So I strongly disagree with the person who said those things to you. You should write about what you want, what makes you happy, what you know.
I write about sex. I also write sentimental pieces in my own language which are as far removed from it as possible. I don’t write about hunger, starviation, abuse and I probably never will. It’s just not my thing.
Those kind of stories – weather they were FF or books or just random short stories – have helped me in a way no other book can. They showed me that out of 7 billion people in this world, there is bound to be someone out there that will love me and my body, mind and soul for what they are.
So I say go on. Write about what you want and be proud about it
I love you. You are awesome. That’s all that matters
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The older and bolder I get the more I see love, passion and sex as integral components of contentment. You should write about what you find compelling. What speaks to you. Writing is a passionate art form. I believe art changes the world.
Someone wanted to feel superior and put someone else’s work down. It’s their issue not yours. Just do your best work.
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