It’s been quiet around here, I know. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore. It’s not that I don’t think about you every day. It isn’t that I’m not writing or dreaming or making up what I want to say to you in my head. Yes, that still-blank card on the corner of my desk is for you. Yes, the check is in the mail. Yes, I want to call.
But. Fuck. Me.
My schedule is about as insane as you might imagine. Preparing to live outside the country for six months is, yes, what I thought it would be. Packing, prepping, cleaning, organizing, finalizing. A full schedule of work. Another trip on the horizon. Buying the things I’ll need. Final photo shoots. Meeting deadlines. Somewhere I lost my license, which of course I need to travel. Getting my eyes checked and my teeth cleaned and my body poked and prodded while I still have insurance. Emptying and painting my place. Finding a home for the pet. Truly, closing things up. Although, oddly that’s the easy part.
Keeping things open, that’s the hard part. Trying not to leave behind friends without a final hello. Crossing paths with those who matter. Finalizing things and futures and temporary goodbyes. Remembering to say “I love you” and “I want you” and “Thank you” and “I won’t forget you.” Finding the time and energy and attention, that’s the hard part.
When all I want to do is curl up in clean, crisp white sheets in the sunshine. Close my eyes and stretch my body into a low purr. A cat nap. Dream of being there already. Dream of having done everything right. Dream of nothing.
I’ll be back with a fervor, but not quite yet. There are too many other things keeping me from the page at the moment. Soon, though, you’ll hear my low rumbled purr and you’ll know I’m on my way back.
Kiss kiss bang bang, s.
“Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.” ~I have no idea who said this, but I’d like to try it.
PS – Gorgeous sleepy photo by this artist.