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I mean I trust what breaks

~line from the fantastic poem, “God the Broken Lock,” by David Rivard

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After my post yesterday on Slow Blogging, I got to thinking about the life I want to lead versus the one I’m leading. If you asked my friends and loved ones (please don’t!), they would probably tell you that this thinking is one of my great assets — and one of my great flaws. I am always second-guessing my life, my choices, my here and now. I’m always trying to improve and create. To stretch myself. Or, as they would probably say, I’m just never satisfied.

One of the things that I find myself doing is losing time. Not in that good way that happens when I’m working on a story or a poem and all of a sudden I look up and realize it’s dark, I haven’t eaten all day, my ass hurts and I have no idea where my body parts have sneaked off to. I mean in the bad, “I’ve checked Facebook ten hundred times, read sixteen blogs, zoomed around the Internet for just a little while (*cough*) and now it’s midnight and I’ve gotten nothing done.” That kind of way.

So, to honor that (or else to kill it in its sleep), I’ve decided that a small Internet fast is in order. Okay, not a true fast. That would make me a cranky, crazy puppy. Actually, even what I have planned is likely to make me a cranky, crazy puppy. Which isn’t a good sign.

But I wonder: If I wasn’t attached by the hip (and the eyeballs) to the net, how would I spend my time? Reading? Writing? Moving my body? Nothing? (Is nothing really so bad anyway? What’s the difference between doing nothing and pretending to do something by scouring the web?).

Don’t get me wrong: I love the webs. Love it. I use it for inspiration. For music. Photos of my characters. To read new writing that I love. To keep track of friends and family. All the usual things.

However, I also know that I use the net as a way to avoid all things that I don’t want to deal with, and to procrastinate on my writing, and I wonder how the lack of it might spur me into action (or else just make me crazy and cranky. Did I mention the crazy and cranky bit?). In the past, I’ve gone without Internet by necessity — not available, was on a retreat, etc. etc. But now, I’m making a choice.

So, one week. Limited internet. Here’s the plan:

  • I can check and answer email twice a day. That’s it. And I can spend no more than half an hour on it each time.
  • While doing email, I can use the ‘net, if necessary. To update my class list online, for example, and things like that.
  • I can (and will) post a short blog here about how the day went, what I did with my non-net hours, and any other garbage or gems that may arise due to the process. Just to see and keep a record.
  • I will not check Facebook, Twitter, Etsy, any else’s blog or google my own name. Will not. Will not. (So, if you see something with my name on it out there, do email me and tell me, K?)
  • I will not play games or watch 30 Rock or the Guild or any other Internet-available show. Will will will not.
  • I also won’t eat all the cookies in the house just because I am bored and stressed-out and without my usual Internet fix.

One week without Internet begins tomorrow. Friday. Wish me luck! See you on the other end.

Kiss kiss bang bang, s.

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PS — Image by this fab artist.

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