2012 was my Year of YES. And it was a very good year. Writing, traveling, the world’s most incredible friends, health, joy, laughter. On top of everything, Love walked into my life, unexpectedly. And that changed everything. New city, new career, new desires and goals. A sense of hope and joy that I had lost in 2011. It was a beautiful, delicious, scary and wonderful year for me in so many ways, and I owe so much of that to the incredible people in my life.
Of course, nothing is perfect. That is always a balance. In learning to say YES to things, I also had to learn to say NO. It’s hard, that no bit. It always makes me feel like I’m choosing poorly, like I’m giving up, like I’m unable to do all the things I want to. It’s part of growing older, isn’t it, that every joy is tinged with sadness, that every gain is weighted by a loss, that with every person or place we add to our life, we grieve the loss of another. Our lives get richer as we grow older, but some of that richness is bittersweet, that cinnamon and nutmeg trace that rests in the back of our throats and makes our eyes water. I wouldn’t want a life without it, but it seems I become more aware of it every year.
2013 is going to be the year of magic. Magic’s a tricky one, isn’t it? What does it mean? How does it happen?
The definition that I like best is: any mysterious or extraordinary quality or power.
It’s a wide definition, one that allows anything in and doesn’t offer explanation. And in this way, it’s perfect for a word like magic, which should, by its very nature, defy an easy definition.
I believe that magic is something you make. But I also believe that the world moves in ways we can’t understand, gives us things we didn’t know to ask for, and offers us moments that are inexplicable and greater than ourselves.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about Arthur C. Clarke’s last two laws:
2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
While number 3 is clearly about magic, I think that number 2 is also, in some ways. If something impossible is made possible, then that seems like magic to me.
I don’t know how this sense of magic will play out for the new year yet. This is the first year in a long time that I don’t have a long list of plans and goals. I don’t know what this year will bring, and maybe that too is part of the magic. Being willing to sit outside my comfort zone and see what happens. The magic of love. Of work. Of joy and laughter. And isn’t just being alive sometimes a kind of magic, this beautiful and inexplicable thing we do every day, without understanding why or how?
Kiss kiss bang bang, s.